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Old 04-06-2014, 11:56 PM   #61
kaszeta
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"It's a faaaaaaaaaaake!"

Amazing how often we get to use that at work...
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Old 04-07-2014, 03:59 AM   #62
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"You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'"
- Jerry in The Pilot

And for a movie...

"Release the Kraken!!!"

https://www.google.com/search?q=Rele...%3B1600%3B1200
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Old 04-07-2014, 09:56 AM   #63
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Dad was a huge Honeymooners fan - we watched them all the time when I was young.

Ralph and Norton are on a train going to a convention, and Norton winds up handcuffing them together for the train ride. Ralph is all mad because Norton keeps waking him, then:

Norton: 'Hey Ralph, mind if I smoke?'

Ralph: 'I don't care if you burn'
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Old 04-07-2014, 10:00 AM   #64
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First time I ever heard this was on The Odd Couple:

Felix Unger: [to woman on witness stand] Ah... you *assumed*. My dear, you should never *assume*. You see, when you *assume*
[writes the word "assume" on a blackboard]
Felix Unger: , you make an *ass*... out of *you*... and *me*
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Old 04-07-2014, 10:21 AM   #65
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From the Honeymooners (paraphrasing)

Ralph (reading a beginners golf manual): Address the ball
Norton: Helloooo Ball!

Game Show MC: Ralph what do you do for a living
Ralph: I brive a dus

From All In the Family

Archie (speaking to Sammy Davis Junior) - You being colored, well, I know you had no choice in that. But whatever made you turn Jew?

Radar's speech announcing Henry Blake's Death.

From Seinfeld:
Quote:
George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp.
Quote:
Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
Jerry: Wow.
George Costanza: You're Batman.
Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell!
Quote:
George Costanza: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry: Mammal.
George Costanza: Whatever.
Cosmo Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George Costanza: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.
[George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball]
Cosmo Kramer: What is that, a Titleist?
[George nods]
Cosmo Kramer: Hole in one, huh?
There are SO many to put here, those are three of my favorites.

M*A*S*H

The whole Radar/Col Blake dies speech.

Hawkeye (taking a group picture): Okay, now everyone take three steps to the left. Now, take three steps to the right. Perfect!!
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Old 04-07-2014, 10:36 AM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DevdogAZ View Post


(see below)
\/ \/ \/ \/ \/
Joey had the best lines in that show.

"You know, a moo point. Like a cow's opinion."
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Old 04-07-2014, 10:41 AM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion View Post
Archer - "Just the tip."

Firefly - "I am guessing you werent burdoned with an over abundance of schooling."

Firefly - "Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell."

Firefly - "Oh, but you did! You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! But since that's a concept you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place here. [Pause.] You did it to me, Jayne. And that's a fact."
Don't forget:

Firefly - "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

We use that one all the time. Actually, 90% of Firefly could be in this thread.
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Old 04-07-2014, 10:41 AM   #68
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Book 'im, Dano.

You big dummy - Fred Sanford.
Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey - Fred Sanford

The Devil made me do it - Flip Wilson
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Old 04-07-2014, 11:21 AM   #69
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From Dharma & Greg episode #1:

Greg's cellphone rings while he is in the shower. Dharma grabs his phone from his pants and answers "Greg's Pants. He's not in them right now!"

From Castle:

Castle: "I really am ruggedly handsome!"


From Burn Notice:

Sam Ax: "You know spies... A bunch of bitchy little girls"


The last two are so good, they made it into the opening credits. I love when I see the actual episodes.
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Old 04-07-2014, 11:22 AM   #70
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From Dharma & Greg episode #1:

Greg's cellphone rings while he is in the shower. Dharma grabs his phone from his pants and answers "Greg's Pants. He's not in them right now!"

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Old 04-07-2014, 12:18 PM   #71
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Archer:
PHRASING!
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Old 04-07-2014, 09:59 PM   #72
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Here's one that I'm not even 100% sure what it's from although I have a good idea.

A very jealous angry man who speaks broken english, I think an Italian accent, and he has trouble expressing his extreme anger because he only knows a few english phrases:

I KEEL you, I..I.. I KEEL you two times, I..I..I KEEL you til da cows come home, th..th..then I KEEL the cows.

I like to use it from time to time when I'm pretend angry.
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Old 04-07-2014, 11:17 PM   #73
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San Francisco c**k sucker.
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Old 04-07-2014, 11:20 PM   #74
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Then there's the Firefly/Seinfeld combo: "Serenity now!"
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Old 04-08-2014, 07:57 AM   #75
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Norton: Can it core a apple?

I love that segment, so surprised that Ralph didn't succeed.
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Old 04-08-2014, 08:54 AM   #76
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Quote:
SteveNJ

From Seinfeld:
Quote:
George Costanza: Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp.
I don't remember that one, but it's great!
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"He's a freak!! Take him apart and lose the pieces under the couch!"
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:05 AM   #77
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Sir, I protest. I am NOT a Merry Man!
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:28 AM   #78
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I don't remember that one, but it's great!
That's the episode where he beans Mickey Mantle. I always loved that speech
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:34 AM   #79
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Homie The Clown: "Homie don't play that."
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:43 AM   #80
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"Anybody who can't make money off Sports Night should get out of the moneymaking business."

"Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word."
"Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy."
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"It is not the size of our army that shall lead us to victory. It is the undeniable righteousness of our cause... "--JAB
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:51 AM   #81
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I have to give my annual plea for someone (anyone!) to tell me where this comes from:

"With so many people telling me I'm wrong, I'd be a fool not to consider the possibility."

I've been trying to remember for years.

(it may have been a movie, so pardon the threadjack if it is)
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Old 04-08-2014, 10:01 AM   #82
kaszeta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaszeta View Post
"It's a faaaaaaaaaaake!"

Amazing how often we get to use that at work...
Discovered that my coworker hid this one in some firmware he's developing:

Quote:
Error Code VRNK: Firmware Verification Checksum Failure: It's a faaaaaaaaake!
(Note the error code...)
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Old 04-08-2014, 10:16 AM   #83
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So many great ones here.

I've hardly ever watched The Simpsons, but I remember this as being one of my favorites:

Homer (separating Bart and Lisa who are fighting): Hey! What's the problem here?

Lisa: We were fighting over who loves you more.

Homer: You were? Aah ... Well, go ahead. [releases them]

Bart: You love him more.

Lisa: No you do!

LH
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Old 04-08-2014, 11:56 AM   #84
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Bart Simpson: "I didn't do It, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!"
Heh! I've used that one on my GF.
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Old 04-08-2014, 12:08 PM   #85
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There are so many it's hard to even remember them. But one that stands out in my mind is Jed Bartlett's first words in episode 1 of The West Wing. BEST ENTRANCE EVER.
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Old 04-08-2014, 01:27 PM   #86
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And that line was ???
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Old 04-08-2014, 01:54 PM   #87
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Unless you watched the show or knew the whole setup it really wouldn't have the same impact, but to answer your question it was the First Commandment.
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Old 04-08-2014, 01:54 PM   #88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by efilippi View Post
And that line was ???
I am the Lord your God. Thou shallt worship no other God before me.

President's Entrance

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"It is not the size of our army that shall lead us to victory. It is the undeniable righteousness of our cause... "--JAB

Last edited by Lori : 04-08-2014 at 02:55 PM.
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Old 04-08-2014, 01:54 PM   #89
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I always enjoyed Norm's comebacks when he entered Cheers.

"It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
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Old 04-08-2014, 02:38 PM   #90
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I am the Lord your God. Thall shallt worship no other God before me.

President's Entrance
Thanks for posting that Lori. What gave that scene and his line the greatest impact is that it was the end of the show and his first appearance on screen. As I said, GREAT Entrance!!!
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