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Wife won't delete recordings

Discussion in 'TiVo Coffee House - TiVo Discussion' started by timckelley, Jun 3, 2003.

  1. Feb 18, 2004 #221 of 1216
    Polcamilla

    Polcamilla Still up here...

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    So.....many.....problems. Seriously----you *can* see that she's emotionally blackmailing you over TELEVISION, right?

    Just delete the stupid shows and get it over with. Honestly, what's the worst she's going to do to you? Leave you? Deliberately break your TiVo?

    I'll note (as a stay-at-home-wife and mother) that the things she does for "your" marriage are really the things she does for HER marriage and for HER family. If she's genuinely THAT unhappy with what she does that she feels she needs you to compensate her for her work by giving her an additional 8-10 responsibility-free hours so she can indulge in her compulsive habit, then she really needs to look at her life, figure out why it's making her unhappy, and make some serious changes so that her daily life can be a delight, not a drudgery.

    You could fill your house with TiVos and still have problems. Television is not the issue here. And until you and she confront the REAL issue, your best bet is to find some place to lock away your TiVo where she can't access it. And feel no guilt about doing so, because she's showing that she can't share and can't play nice and, as a grownup yourself, there's no reason you should continue to give in to her childish demands.

    Good luck!
     
  2. Feb 18, 2004 #222 of 1216
    JYoung

    JYoung Series 3

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    Say what? Considering all the things she does?
    Correct me if I'm wrong, (and I apologize in advance if I am) but she's a stay at home mom. Which means you are the breadwinner in the family. The one who goes out and works 8-10 hours a day to earn the money that allows her to indulge in her obsession.
    It's not like you bring nothing to this marriage and for her to say that is unfair to you.
    You could say to her, "Considering all the things I do for you in the marriage, I'm revoking the rule for my fidelity" and see what her reaction is.

    Personally, I wouldn't let her get away with it. Once she starts doing this, it won't be long until she entirely takes over "your" TiVo (and starts canceling your Enterprise recordings). Then where will you be? You'll be backt o square one with the same problem, that's where.

    (Oh, and PolCamilla makes a lot of sense too)
     
  3. Feb 18, 2004 #223 of 1216
    ZeoTiVo

    ZeoTiVo I can't explain

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    anyone else here realize that this fued is all about television shows ?

    I mean if you can not watch a television show within a week of it being on then is it really all that important to keep around. How many hours of shows are on VCR tape that will never get played ?

    I tend to agrre with Polcamilla that this is about more than a TV show, at least I hope so becuase it sure would be very unreal to get this worked up simply about keeping a bucnh of TV shows around becuase you don't have time to watch them.
     
  4. Feb 19, 2004 #224 of 1216
    TiVoChick

    TiVoChick New Member

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    Do you use HMO? Perhaps she can transfer some shows from your TiVo to hers when space gets low. That not only gives her more time, but it forces her to manage her shows within the space budget on her unit, not yours and hers.
     
  5. Feb 19, 2004 #225 of 1216
    JYoung

    JYoung Series 3

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    Unfortunately, wife has a Series 2 TiVo and Tim has a Series 1 (unsubbed, I believe)
     
  6. Feb 23, 2004 #226 of 1216
    timckelley

    timckelley TCFer

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    Yes, mine's unsubbed, and I don't have HMO. Plus, I should mention that I have 194 hours, but she only has 80. She really ought to have the one with more space, but she needs the guide data more than I do. (I also really like having 194 hours, because it means I can TiVo everything at Best Quality.) I've told her that if need be, I can upgrade her TiVo to have more space. But we're holding off on that for now, because even though she's occupying space on my TiVo, I still have 6+ screens worth of suggestions on it, so space is not a problem yet. (Suggestions came in during the first month I had it when it was subbed by the original owner, who finally got smart and cancelled her sub - I got several weeks of free guide data, hehehe!)

    My latest thinking though, is that if space gets to be a problem, I might consider offloading her stuff to a tape and handing her the tape. She's already told me she wouldn't object to that. (She's also made it clear that she has no idea when she'll ever get to watch her stuff that's on my TiVo, but I am *not* to delete it - unless it's been offloaded to tape, that is.) The only bad thing is the menial work of offloading, but I suppose if I kicked off one show per night as I go to bed, I could make serious progress towards getting her stuff off my TiVo.
     
  7. Feb 23, 2004 #227 of 1216
    David Platt

    David Platt !Texas TCF Club

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    Are you re-thinking this statement yet, Tim? :D :D
     
  8. Feb 24, 2004 #228 of 1216
    timckelley

    timckelley TCFer

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    I don't recall ever making the statement you quoted me as making. Where did you extract that quote from?
     
  9. Feb 24, 2004 #229 of 1216
    MediaLivingRoom

    MediaLivingRoom New Member

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    Maybe we should be able to add an external DVD-RW drive.
     
  10. Feb 24, 2004 #230 of 1216
    JoeltheTiVoFan

    JoeltheTiVoFan New Member

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    I suggest you think hard before adding capacity to her TiVo hard drive. The trouble is - she can't keep up with her recorded shows. When someone can't keep up with the load, and create a backlog, you don't solve anything by giving them the ability to create more backlog for themselves. Instead, you should try to create a situation where they have LESS ability to do so.

    My wife insists on reading every line of a newspaper (not literally true, but she does like to scan every article). So, a typical five-section daily would take her all afternoon, and take most other people 30 minutes. We would pile up days, weeks of papers. It was a mess. We reached a deal: Every recycling day, we throw out all newspapers over 7 days old.

    My wife hasn't changed her newspaper habit. It's the same with magazines, etc. Every page, every article, etc... But she HAS accepted that it is silly to keep old papers around and read them, so she has SELF-LIMITED her back-log.

    Now, admittingly, she does have the trouble with TiVo as well... she will want to watch every episode of any show we tape - even if we've put it in the category of "taped just because we may watch it if bored."

    My solution (that she accepted): Set every show to keep at most 2 episodes. That way, they delete themselves... same idea as the papers.

    By the way, if you think this sounds controlling - it's not... she's the one who asked me with ways to keep her backlog to a small number, and this is what I've come up with.

    -Joel
     
  11. Feb 24, 2004 #231 of 1216
    David Platt

    David Platt !Texas TCF Club

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    Right here.
     
  12. Feb 26, 2004 #232 of 1216
    timckelley

    timckelley TCFer

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    Oops... I guess I did make that statement in jest. What man truly wears the pants in any family? Women hold the trump card. If they don't get their way, they can get emotional about it (yell, cry, etc.)
     
  13. Mar 9, 2004 #233 of 1216
    Glen Graham

    Glen Graham Senior Moment

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    Tim...

    As I posted back on 6-24-03 (post #92) -- note, in particular, the red and blue passages. The red predicted this, but...

    The blue is the real key. From the last conversation you posted, it strongly seems as though your wife has some consuming (unspoken) issue -- either against you, or is simply directing her anger at you.

    It could be resentment about your child's disabilities, her feeling she is "wasting" her life (a career she wanted but is not pursuing), or something you did. However, I want to venture to say that there is no solution to your TiVo issues...

    The TiVo and the televisions are not her real problem. I urge you to think about that. She is merely using the TiVo as an outlet for built-up anger... and that is what you really need to get to the root of.

     
  14. Mar 22, 2004 #234 of 1216
    timckelley

    timckelley TCFer

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    Well, she is now only has about 2 hours on my TiVo, because I've been offloading her stuff to tapes. I'm using EP quality, so I think all her stuff will ultimately take up 3 tapes. Lately there's not too much of her stuff going on my TiVo, because there are lots of reruns going on now.

    To tell the truth, there are only 3 SPs on my TiVO that she wants as KUID, which I'm taping off the VHS instead. And 2 of those 3 are in their last season and soon to be cancelled, so maybe there's some light in the future.

    I talked to her again yesterday about her vast horde of tapes, and she tells me frankly, that the reason she's storing so much stuff that she has no time any day soon to watch, is that she has no faith in the future quality of our television shows. Much as a squirrel hoards nuts for the winter, she is hoarding hundreds and hundreds of hours of TV on tapes so that in her old age she'll have stuff to watch.

    My reply to her is that I have more faith in the future of TV. I figure that when the time comes, there'll be worthwhile stuff to TiVo and watch. She disagrees with this assessment.
     
  15. Mar 22, 2004 #235 of 1216
    Marco

    Marco Loyal Little

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    The videotapes will go bad before the stuff on live TV does. :cool:
     
  16. Mar 22, 2004 #236 of 1216
    allan

    allan Just someone TCF Club

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    I dunno. TV is getting pretty bad already. If I had to rely on the PrimeTime lineup, I would have thrown my set out the window by now.
     
  17. Mar 22, 2004 #237 of 1216
    ZeoTiVo

    ZeoTiVo I can't explain

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    TVLand in 20 years will have all this stuff anyway

    they may even have channels by decades by then
     
  18. Mar 24, 2004 #238 of 1216
    Glen Graham

    Glen Graham Senior Moment

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    Hoarders always have "reasonable excuses" for hoarding...

    The truth is, she has an obsession. That obsession is "not missing anything she might, maybe, one day, sort of want to watch".

    Obsessions are, sometimes, caused by the mind focusing energy in one direction to make up for a desire that cannot be fulfilled.

    Often, therepy can help people resolve their obsessions.

    But, the person has to want to change.
     
  19. Apr 6, 2004 #239 of 1216
  20. Apr 7, 2004 #240 of 1216
    Susiemw

    Susiemw New Member

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    I just spent goodness knows how much time reading this thread from beginning to end. Talk about "days of our lives"in the tivo community. :)

    I was happy to read that you got the second tivo.

    I was also supportive of your wife, who after all is an adult and allowed to make certain decisions in her/your life even if they aren't really realistic.. overdoing tivo is better than drugs , alcohol etc) right up to the point where she "changed the ground rules".

    I hope you guys manage to work this out. I know if your wife were married to me her shows would have been instantly deleted from tivo when she pulled the "everything I do for this marriage" card. She does do a lot in your marriage. So do you. You're both in a tough situation with a child that needs extra care but playing fair between husband and wife has to be a ground rule that never changes.

    No arbitrarily changing the rules, no suddenly making the democracy a dictatorship. Communication is everything and at this point perhaps she needs to get reasonable about how much she is taping. it sounds like an addiction. At this point she doesn't want to get control of this addiction but that doesn't mean it's not a problem that she hopefully will acknowledge and confront. Normally, i'd say let her keep this addiction if it's giving her comfort (and it must be on some level) but the latest stunt changed my mind.

    Of course, my opinion is meaningless in this discussion but it's 3:40 am and I should have been watching tivo instead or reading this bloody long thread so I just had to comment! LOL

    Good luck!

    Susan
     

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